11:08PM - Monday February 23, 2004
Shit-Ass Day
So, I had a spectacularly bad day. I woke to phone calls telling my my grandmother had died in the wee hours of the morning. Now, at first, this wasn't all that upsetting. My brother phoned a little later in the day and I had a nice chat with him. It was when I talked to my dad and found out that there was no room in the truck for me to go to Quebec for the funeral that I got all twisted up in knots inside and wanting to cry.

The thing is, I didn't really like my grandmother and I didn't particularly want to cry. I mean, she was my last living grandparent, but she was always so critical of me. The last time I saw her was at some great aunt or other's funeral, and all she did was keep telling me to lose weight, telling me I should diet, I should run, blah blah blah. Whatever. I decided then and there I didn't need that in my life. And I don't feel guilty about not keeping in contact with her.

But now, with the crying. What's up with that? I didn't like it. There was some trauma with the funeral scheduling--I almost ended up going, but then didn't. Frankly, I can't afford to miss school or anymore work--that damn blizzard snowed me in for four days, I lost pay, I need all the pay I can get. Roommate pissed me off by interrupting my telling him about the plans to travel to the funeral with a request to look at his game! Cause it was doing something really cool! Insensitive jerk. I think that broke the dam. I leaked for a few hours.

But I chatted with Kryptonite, made a final decision on whether to go to Quebec, ate some supper, drank a beer, and became suitably distracted and not so sad and upset.

People over at 3WA have been really great, they had some good insights on why I was feeling the way I was.

God, I'm tired. Goodnight.

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