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4:08PM - Sunday June 13, 2003 n. 1. Orig., blithesomeness; gladness; now, the highest degree of happiness; blessedness; exalted felicity; heavenly joy. An then at last our bliss Full and perfect is. - Milton. Lately I've been happy. I mean full out, perma grin, blissed out happy. I have joy. I'm stupid in love, I've got a mad crush, and goddamn, the sex is good. I lay in bed afterwards, wrapped in his arms, and yes it's sappy, but I feel joy. I also feel like I'm on the right path for my life, and nothing can deter me. I love school, I work like a dog but I love what I'm doing, and I'm contemplating grad school. Every day is the best day ever. Right now I'm having an ICQ conversation with a friend of mine who isn't happy and who is freaking out about his Saturn Return. He likes to hold onto the illusion of control, he feel that that is what makes his life meaningful and not futile in any way. My philosophy however is that you can only control yourself, and even then you sometimes can't. There is no hope for your environment at all--at any moment the rug could be pulled out from underneath you and you can fall on your ass. I think the sooner you let go that you have no control over things, the happier you are. I feel bliss because I live life in the moment. I can't change the past, I can only learn from my mistakes. The future is always uncertain, so why worry about it too much? Right now is the most important and vital time of my life--I don't know what tomorrow holds, and I don't care. I have things I need to do, like do my site-specific weaving project so it can be critiqued in class tomorrow. Tomorrow I plan to visit Durga after class so I can draw her coochie for a screenprinting project design that's due on Tuesday. Tuesday Nezumi graduates, and I will go to that barring anything unforseen. That's all I can do, and I'm happy to do it. This entry has been brought to you by the letter 'B' and Alphabytes.
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